I just got a notice from my host that this domain is going to expire in about a week and a half. Considering I haven’t posted here in a year, I think I’m gonna let it go.

Hi. Did you know I’m a Girl Scout Leader now? Yes. It’s true. And even though I’m very new to all of this, and just getting started, I’ve come to a new realization. All those times that I’ve been the mom who continues to email and email asking for clarification on this or that – it’s kind of annoying. Particularly when all that information is right in my original email to everyone. You know, the one they’re replying to? Yeah. I’ve done that SO MANY TIMES, and I’m just now realizing the error of my ways. Whoops.

It’s not very often that I get to go somewhere with one of my children, just the two of us. When you have five kids, inevitably they have some of the same friends, and get invited to the same birthday parties. Not today. Today, it was just my son and me. We went to the birthday party of a friend he knows from school. The boy is in another grade, and I didn’t know one single child there, other than the birthday boy. It was absolute chaos, the way a birthday party in summertime should be. The family rented a huge, inflatable water slide, which was set up right next to a trampoline. Nearby, faces were painted, balloons were twisted into animals, a clown entertained. A large tent housed a full luncheon buffet, complete with beer on tap. My son had a BALL, while other parents and children cast curious glances our direction. He screamed his way down the waterslide probably fifty times. He ate an entire plate of barbecue chicken. He bounced around the trampoline, squawking and chirping. He tenderly hugged his friend. He waited sooooo patiently in line for a balloon animal shaped like a dick and balls sword. And for three and a half hours, I watched him enjoy himself, all alone. And the entire time, I stood nearby, all alone.

I expect that my autistic son will have trouble fitting in with people he doesn’t know. But I’m not accustomed to feeling that way myself! I didn’t have any meaningful dialogue with ANYONE there, except the hostess. Everyone seemed to just … move away from us? Eventually, after making small talk with half a dozen other parents that didn’t go beyond saying hello, I figured I was just there to keep my son out of trouble. He had a wonderful time. He had cake. Then we left.

On the drive home, I started to think, perhaps it’s a blessing that we have such a large family. I’ve often wondered how different things would be for my son if he were an only child, and I had all the time in the world to devote to him and his needs. I’ve come to the conclusion that it would kind of suck, and we’d probably be terribly lonely. Thank goodness we have lots of other kiddos right here at home to play with every day!

Well, I haven’t really kept this blog up quite like I intended, now have I? I started out wanting a place to write the way I used to write, but it ended up being one massive vent about my teenager. Not exactly what I wanted. I need to get better about balancing my writing, I’m thinking!

Here’s where things are right now. The teenager finished up the school year and passed all her finals, amazingly. She even got an A on one of them! Thankfully, she’s only going to have to repeat one class in order to graduate on time – government. And, bleah, I remember hating government in high school, too. We didn’t take it until our senior year, though. Anyway. Finished up the school year, and ran out of the school without looking back. She really wants to switch high schools, but honestly, I don’t think it’s the best idea. Even though she has a handful of friends she knew in middle school at the other high school, she’s still going to end up gravitating toward the misfit crowd. At least HERE, she’s close by. I can be at her school in five minutes, as opposed to twenty. And since she’s not of driving age, it’s not like she can get herself there every day – one of us would have to drive her. And as much as I’ve tried to figure out a way to do that, I just don’t see how it can be done, since I have four other kids to get to school as well. Most importantly, though, I think she needs to suck it up and face her problems! I keep telling her she’ll run into dicky people at every school, and it’s going to be up to her to rise above it and make good decisions. We’ll have to have a great big discussion about all of this when she gets home – she’s been away for about a month. It’s been awesome for both of us, really.

The little ones are doing okay. My son has been driving us batty lately with these new vocal tics he’s just picked up – also known as screaming his ASS off at random moments. Well, it’s not screaming so much, more like annoying loud noises. Sometimes, he sings at the top of his lungs in a crazy, throaty, death metal voice. It would crack me up if it didn’t attract SO MUCH ATTENTION. In addition to all of that, he’s found entertainment lately in pissing off his little sisters – teasing them, kicking their seat in the car, etc. Now, I see that as typical sibling behavior. It might be annoying, but I really can’t chalk it up to him having autism! We just returned from a long road trip out to California to visit Disneyland – and the whole trip was super fun. I’m so lucky to have married into such a fine family. We stayed at my husband’s aunt’s house, and she spoiled my kids so much that they CRIED when it was time to come home. School starts here in just about two weeks, and for the first time in history, I’m going to have a little bit of alone time. Yep, the littlest ones are starting kindergarten. People keep asking me, “What are you going to do with yourself?” I don’t have a clue. Hopefully, A LOT. Hopefully, my house will be cleaner, dinner will get made on time, and I’ll return our library books before they’re two weeks overdue.

My husband and I are coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary. Five years since we said our vows in front of our dearest friends. Five years of joy and tears and chaos and laughter and love. And it seems like it was just a couple of years ago. Hell, I’m wearing the same t-shirt today that I wore the day before our wedding, when my girlfriends and I made a vat of fruit salad and hot glued my veil together. Time moves SO quickly when you have a shitload of children, I’ve discovered. At this rate, they’ll be in college before the milk sours. And I still love that man SO MUCH. He drives me insane a lot of the time, and he’s a control freak and a half, but I’m so very thankful that fate brought us together.

I guess that’s it. My life doesn’t change that much, I guess – still doing that whole parenting thing. What’s new with you?

I’m not one of those people who spills all and leans on friends like I should in times of crisis. It’s only after the storm has started to subside that I’ll sit down and pour out my thoughts. So, here I am. The storm has begun to subside, for now.

My daughter. Jeez. Where do I begin? I’ll start by saying RIGHT NOW, things are pretty good. Things are looking up. And yesterday, I saw the biggest sign of progress I’ve seen in a long, long time.

She’s depressed, but I’m beginning to see that she’s more manipulative than anything else. And she’s completely heartbroken over this boy who influenced her to do a laundry list of stupid things. We’ve had a solid week of HELL with that girl. Yesterday, though, she wrote a letter to her ex-boyfriend. She told him she loved him, but that she was letting him go, and even though she knew she was falling, she had lots of people who love her, waiting to catch her. And then she gave it to him. I can’t even begin to tell you how pleased I am with this. I’m so proud that she’s finding some inner strength to stand up for what’s good and right. She’s being considerate of herself and of her family and friends for once, instead of thinking of this lameass boy. And she’s finally seeing her own future, outside of a relationship with him. THANK GOD.

So, that’s where we are right now. We’re seeing a new, WONDERFUL shrink, who will hopefully outline a plan of action for getting our child back to where she wants and needs to be. And I can only hope there will be a ripple effect throughout the family, so that when the girlchild gets better, we ALL start to get better. Because it’s definitely affecting all of us. Everyone is walking around pissed off and high strung. Yay! Happy days in this household, NOT.

It’s getting better. Think happy thoughts for us, okay?