Is that show Clean Sweep still on? I haven’t seen it in a looooong time, if it is. I think the Clean Sweep people need to come and visit my husband. I can’t understand how we had a MASSIVE, ginormous, insane garage sale when we moved, and another garage sale in the springtime, and Salvation Army came and picked up a bunch of stuff in my driveway a few months ago, and still…STILL, I am drowning in a sea of clutter. We have a stack of boxes in our master bedroom that hasn’t moved much over the past twelve months. These boxes drive me insane. Several times, I’ve tried to go through them, and it’s just too overwhelming. We discussed tackling this mess during the eleven days my husband was off work for the holidays, but it just didn’t happen. Either I was sick or the kids were sick, and it didn’t happen. We didn’t take the kids to that chipmunk movie, either. Damn!

But today is a new day. It’s Monday, and it’s back to work for the man and back to school for the oldest. The little ones are still home with me for a bit longer, but they’re obsessed with Nick Jr online lately, so I could probably paint the entire house without them noticing. I decided that today would be the day. So, armed with coffee and motivation, I started opening boxes. Out of the probably dozen or so boxes, I unpacked two. The rest, I labeled with sticky notes so my husband can see at a glance what’s inside – but I can summarize it for you in two words: HIS SHIT.

I’m stunned by how many boxes and boxes of MAGAZINES we moved. What is it with men and magazines? What is the purpose of keeping years and years worth of Popular Mechanics and Playboy? Will he ever look at them again? I can pretty much guarantee that the answer is NO. But they’ll be our legacy, mark my words. We may not have much to pass on to our children, but they’ll never want for mediocre porn or outdated tech articles. And if they get tired of reading old magazines, they can listen to an entire crate of mix tapes from the 80s! Maybe they’ll stumble upon some old relic computer from our generation and they can install tons of outdated software on it – I have an entire box of it, just waiting for them. And for some light reading, they can kick back with stacks of college textbooks.

Spring cleaning is here – and now that I’ve gotten the ball rolling, I’m certain that my husband will be ready to dive into this cache of crap, and do something with it all. I just know it! In the meantime, I need to figure out what to do with a king size memory foam mattress topper, now that we have a new bed that it won’t fit on. It’s rolled up and pushed in the corner of the room like a gigantic Chipotle burrito, but it’s really got to go!