Well, I haven’t really kept this blog up quite like I intended, now have I? I started out wanting a place to write the way I used to write, but it ended up being one massive vent about my teenager. Not exactly what I wanted. I need to get better about balancing my writing, I’m thinking!

Here’s where things are right now. The teenager finished up the school year and passed all her finals, amazingly. She even got an A on one of them! Thankfully, she’s only going to have to repeat one class in order to graduate on time – government. And, bleah, I remember hating government in high school, too. We didn’t take it until our senior year, though. Anyway. Finished up the school year, and ran out of the school without looking back. She really wants to switch high schools, but honestly, I don’t think it’s the best idea. Even though she has a handful of friends she knew in middle school at the other high school, she’s still going to end up gravitating toward the misfit crowd. At least HERE, she’s close by. I can be at her school in five minutes, as opposed to twenty. And since she’s not of driving age, it’s not like she can get herself there every day – one of us would have to drive her. And as much as I’ve tried to figure out a way to do that, I just don’t see how it can be done, since I have four other kids to get to school as well. Most importantly, though, I think she needs to suck it up and face her problems! I keep telling her she’ll run into dicky people at every school, and it’s going to be up to her to rise above it and make good decisions. We’ll have to have a great big discussion about all of this when she gets home – she’s been away for about a month. It’s been awesome for both of us, really.

The little ones are doing okay. My son has been driving us batty lately with these new vocal tics he’s just picked up – also known as screaming his ASS off at random moments. Well, it’s not screaming so much, more like annoying loud noises. Sometimes, he sings at the top of his lungs in a crazy, throaty, death metal voice. It would crack me up if it didn’t attract SO MUCH ATTENTION. In addition to all of that, he’s found entertainment lately in pissing off his little sisters – teasing them, kicking their seat in the car, etc. Now, I see that as typical sibling behavior. It might be annoying, but I really can’t chalk it up to him having autism! We just returned from a long road trip out to California to visit Disneyland – and the whole trip was super fun. I’m so lucky to have married into such a fine family. We stayed at my husband’s aunt’s house, and she spoiled my kids so much that they CRIED when it was time to come home. School starts here in just about two weeks, and for the first time in history, I’m going to have a little bit of alone time. Yep, the littlest ones are starting kindergarten. People keep asking me, “What are you going to do with yourself?” I don’t have a clue. Hopefully, A LOT. Hopefully, my house will be cleaner, dinner will get made on time, and I’ll return our library books before they’re two weeks overdue.

My husband and I are coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary. Five years since we said our vows in front of our dearest friends. Five years of joy and tears and chaos and laughter and love. And it seems like it was just a couple of years ago. Hell, I’m wearing the same t-shirt today that I wore the day before our wedding, when my girlfriends and I made a vat of fruit salad and hot glued my veil together. Time moves SO quickly when you have a shitload of children, I’ve discovered. At this rate, they’ll be in college before the milk sours. And I still love that man SO MUCH. He drives me insane a lot of the time, and he’s a control freak and a half, but I’m so very thankful that fate brought us together.

I guess that’s it. My life doesn’t change that much, I guess – still doing that whole parenting thing. What’s new with you?

My little boy has been out of school on break for several weeks now. He starts back up in about two weeks, THANK GOD. I love having the kids home for awhile, because I’m lazy by nature and I like to sleep late. But I hate seeing my son struggle day after day after day. He’s so accustomed to his very structured daily routine at school, and we have very little structure at home. We have a loose routine in place – specific mealtimes and bedtimes, for example – but everything else is just kind of free-flowing. I keep trying to put a routine in place like on Supernanny, but we never can seem to stick to it.

And, as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t really WANT that crazy, strict picture schedule like they have at school. I know the boy would cope better with more routine, but I truly feel like the more relaxed environment at home will be better for him long term. I think growing up in a big house full of kids is more of a benefit than a detriment to my son, because he’s learning to adapt to changes in his routine. I also like the idea that he’s growing up, y’know….sort of NORMAL. Our lives don’t really revolve around him and his needs, they revolve around the children and all of their needs. I think it’s important for him to see that the world wasn’t created for him.

I’ve seen kids with autism completely lose it when things don’t go the way they expect them to, but I don’t see much of that with my son. What I DO see is him missing his teachers and friends. Another benefit to growing up in a big family is having other kids to play with all the time, but it’s hard when you’re the only boy in a family of girls. Yesterday, we headed out to the park to take advantage of the unseasonably gorgeous weather. I packed up a picnic lunch and we spent nearly two hours out in the sunshine – it was glorious. And it’s in that setting where all my kids are on a level playing field. They may not all be able to read and write yet, but they can all climb rock walls, play tag, and swing so high they touch the sky.

I hope I’m doing the right thing. That’s the hardest part about parenting a child with special needs – not knowing if things are going to work out in the end. But I guess that’s true for all parents, right?

That’s a Snoop Dogg lyric, did you know that? Betcha didn’t. I don’t imagine Big Snoopy D-O-double-G was considering the plight of the stay-at-home-mother when he wrote it, but I can sure relate to it.

Things are swell. Things are great! Things are a train wreck and a half! I keep thinking that if I just embrace it and own it and realize once and for all that this is our normal, I’ll deal with things better. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m just going to write about it so it all makes sense for me, because I really think it’s scariest when it’s inside my own head. Once I get it out in the open, it’s like, eh. No biggie.

My oldest child is seriously struggling in school. We’re almost mid-way through freshman year, and thing’s aren’t going well. She’s so painfully unmotivated, and it’s something we’ve been dealing with for the past four years now. I can’t even begin to list all the many ways we’ve tried to light a fire under her ass. She’s just so damned apathetic, and it’s something I see over and over with kids her age. We want so badly for our kids to have what we didn’t have, and to not have to struggle or go without, and because of it, they value NOTHING. My husband grew up poor, and actually was homeless several times as a child. He’s mentioned many times that he wishes our kids could go through a safer version of what he went through, just so they’d know what it’s like to not have electricity or to have to sleep in the car. I don’t know that we need to go THAT far with it, but I sure wish there was a way to boot these kids in the ass a little, and make them realize that the world doesn’t revolve around them and their skinny jeans. I think I’m going to start dragging my daughter out on Saturday mornings to volunteer in a soup kitchen or something.

Besides the drama with the teenager, I feel like I’m losing my mind a little in this crazy house. Or my hearing, anyway. I’ve never been around such LOUD children before. From the time they wake up until the time they snuggle up and fall asleep at night, they are SHOUTING at one another. I’m sure it’s at least partially genetic, since I’m married to the loudest man on the planet. Normally, I’m not bothered by it at all, but it seems like they’ve cranked it up to eleven this week. We need to start a marathon round of The Quiet Game.

And when I left my house today, it was CLEAN. It even smelled good. Every bed was made, every inch of carpet vacuumed. Within an hour of returning home with four monkeys, the house looked like I hadn’t touched it. I found toys, shoes, books, and clothing on the floor in five different rooms before dinnertime. Erma Bombeck once said that trying to clean house when you have small children is like shoveling while it’s still snowing. I can’t think of a better comparison! Still, I’m thankful that I have my five monsters, and we have a roof over our heads. Things could definitely be worse.

Tomorrow, I think I’m going to take myself out for sushi.